I don't even..

My big fat rant

So this is just a warning, this isn’t the whole Lucieetehgamarh thing.
Me right now, typing is Luciee. Well actually my name is Lucy-Jo but the name looks weird so I spell it Luciee ^-^
But yeah this isn’t all about sunshine, rainbows and me being “really fricken happy”
This is just me venting as a human being.

AND, I’m really bad at wording things…so be warned of that too

—-

I just want to punch my computer screen and hope that somehow it comes out at your end, punching you right in the face.
(aimed at the person i’m pissed off at)

It’s nice when people try and make you happy, but it’s not cool when they try to convince you that you’re feeling a specific way, when you’re really not.

I get pissed off when people try and tell me how I feel.
I know how my mind works and how I feel, but when I don’t I get myself really frustrated and worked up. I can sometimes just never explain it, It just feels like something from the past causes certain situations to have a deeper meaning and make you feel more than you really should.

I know the whole “lucieetehgamarh” persona is either happy or really happy
but that’s not really me is it, although I’d love to be as simple as that, and sometimes I envy her positivity and general outlook on life, but it’s not me.

I have this thing, where if someone pisses me off i’ll just completely shut them out. Some days I can handle people better than others, but sometimes it’s just a trigger that goes off. The strange thing is though, sometimes I can handle the exact same situation perfectly a million times, then one time it’ll just make me flip. I’m trying to think of a stupid yet simple example.. Okay say I go to your school, every break time we meet up, talk about random crap then talk about what we had for tea last night, we do this every school day for 6 months, then one day when you ask “Oh Luciee what did you have for tea last night?” I just completely freak the fuck out. There was nothing different about that particular situation than any other day we’d had before, but it’d just flip this switch. Of course that’s just some made-up situation but it’s pretty much like that about most situations for me.

So today what’s pissed me off is that someone tried to call me jealous. Jealousy isn’t always a bad thing though and there’s 7 different types of it being :

-Obsessive

-Possessive

-Left out syndrome or fear of abandonment or being left out

-Inconsideration

-Envy or feeling not good enough

-Co-dependance and insecurity

-Ego or feel of rejection or feeling inadequate

I’ve experienced all these types of jealousy before as most people have, it’s normal and I’m not embarassed about it. but as I’ve experienced feeling jealous, I should know when I am and am not feeling that way.. makes sense?

To help people understand their emotions is one thing, but to assume someone’s emotions is something entirely different. It’s confusing when people try and tell you how you feel, most of the time it makes you doubt yourself and question your whole outlook on things. It’s even more frustrating for me as I’m very aware of my own emotions, I just couldn’t pinpoint the one I felt.
I just felt angry over something stupid, I can admit that and move on.
You just overcomplicated things to the point where i’m writing a huge rant on tumblr. I’d like to think you meant well but in reality my brains just telling me you’re a huge dickwad who thinks he understands.

You’ve just made me feel really misunderstood and pissed off.
But by now you probably feel indifferent and don’t even care.

I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about, I’ve calmed down abit now, I think it’s time I call quits, I’m so fricken tired D: